'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
