So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
