Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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