All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
