omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
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you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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