pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
