you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
