READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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