they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
