so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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