The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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