today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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