hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
