I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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