I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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