Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
