also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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