my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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