If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
