make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
