Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
