3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Randomize
