Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
