he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
A bitchslap is in order.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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