The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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