we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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