I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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