So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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