...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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