I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
