don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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