She said her name was "party"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
