so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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