I seem to have left my pride at pride
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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