Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
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between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
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It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
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