We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize