you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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