I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
