do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
