respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
