I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
