Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
