Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
