His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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