i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
