I wish my penis had an off switch
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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