Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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