Too much gin, very little bucket
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
