Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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