I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
