eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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