Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
