Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
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Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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