new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
