At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
