can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
