I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
