White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My vagina is officially offended.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
