I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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