And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
