I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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