Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
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I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
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I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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