I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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