I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize