As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
