I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
